Tuesday, April 12, 2011


This past hour hit me with something. A realization, if you will.

Maybe it's the over-thinking talking, or maybe I'm just facing the normal teenage terror question: "Who am I?". Actually, I shouldn't label this question as a teenager thing, but rather a universal wondering that is faced at all ages.

Damn I sound smart. I didn't notice until now the eloquent half moon goin on outside in the sky. Floating, hovering, shining bright & beautifully. It's fucking marvelous. --And yes, I had to add in the F word in there, because that literally is what the moon looks like right now.

Anyways, back to the topic, I was reading through the February 2009 posts on hurr, and maan was I ever witty! Like, I was actually decent at blogging. I don't know about now--I think I've lost almost all credibility when the Pod turned into like--diary entries, and venting; this included. /The moon's hiding.

So basically just the simple act of reading and reminiscing (RR), that somehow catapulted me into thinking, that I've lost myself. Or have I just changed? I mean, a year or two ago, I was 10 pounds lighter, had blunt bangs & a center part, wore no makeup, and had my own individual style. I had passions. Photoshop, photography, web design, reading, blogging, snowboarding, making musc, film, fashion, dance... and now? Now, those passions are merely interests. It's--sad. Where did my passions dissolve away too, huh? Like, what haaappened to me.

I remember, when I had small little dreams of becoming a music/fashion/personal (basically mixed media) blog with an audience of hundreds. Hahaaah, I had like one follower at the time and it was my sister. Or when I would learn all the kpop dances & me/tiff/sham actually got up off our lazy asses and did a dance for Youth4Youth and it was definitely one of the best experiences of the year. You see.. remarkable things like that. Where did they go maayyn! Like shit, I used to make films. Well, short little videos for assignments at school, but one summer me&erin made a Lady Gaga music video.. I never edited it though, but I still have the raw footage. I wanted to start a Youtube channel with my friends, and it would've documented our average daily lives. Or when I took up learning piano and I almost played at my Gr.8 graduation ceremony, but then realized I sucked. But it was okay. I was ambitious. I saved about $200 to buy a DSLR camera a few years ago.. never happened, but y'know.. I tried. I actually made pretty sick banners & edits on Photoshop and shit. Idunnooo. I mean, who's to say I can't still do those things, right? I think I might have to take up all those things again. But what sucks is that when I say I'm gonna do something.. I usually end up not doing it. Hmmph.

So how did I get here then..? I have always been a lazy person, but probably what happened is just that lazy blob pulled me under its wing, and the rest took care of itself from there. I'm so tumblr-influenced, and waahh kind of lost my individuality in there.

Then again, maybe I'm not worsening, I'm just uhh, evolving. I'm just more hiphop and less hipster. I listen to a lot of rap, and I dress kind of street-influenced. I know more about dance styles, and I do crosswords now.

...Actually, it's pretty hard to think of the positve aspects in this situation. I don't really like this new me as much. Don't get me wrong--I think my personality has stayed relatively the same, but my attitude is completely different.. I should get to steppin all of this. :)

Peace, fellow Zoot Podders <3

2011: I don't wanna make empty promises here, but, I think I'm back :D


Executive Walls said...

I love the way you write. It's good to know that I'm not the only person who puts some thought and perspective into writing these entries.

Keep it up.

Peace + Love.

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pawan ramesh said...

I love the way you write. It's good to know that I'm not the only person who puts some thought and perspective into writing these entries.
see more ..........

pawan ramesh said...
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pawan ramesh said...