Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Eff You Subconscious!

My subconscious and perfectionism causes me to blow many things out of proportion. I often think I have to make something perfect before I can consider it finished, and therefore before the public sees it or I show it to someone.

But I'm working against that mood tonight!

Around 40 mins ago, my mind was firing off with so many ideas and motivation to create, and excitement to do so as well. So I made a quick snack, and came back to my desk to jump on into what I wanted to do, and then inevitably got distracted by my superficial/pointless to do list (which included watching the DJ Khaled 'I Got the Keys" music video, and finding the director on IG, which is my under the radar way of keeping up with all my influences. I really liked the black and white theme, and the shots were beautiful. The director , Daniel Kaufman, wasn't on IG tho. I thus followed him on Vimeo in the end of my search for his social media accounts. But back to the point.)

ANYWAYS, this post is not gonna follow a coherent, logical flow, as per usual in alllll of my posts. But what it will do is not try to even hide or transition topics at all :) This is basically gonna be a list of concepts and ideas that I've been thinking about the past few hours.

Actually I'm impressed that in a way explaining the purpose of this post was sort of a transition. I'm also impressed by how my writing seems to be coherent so far.

The last three paragraph-y sentences started with A's, you guys. Thats pretty coo.

So the first thing I wanted to note was that Kylie Jenner marked that 2016 as the Year of Realizing Stuff. However, will she find that every year is the year of realizing stuff? Both individually and as a society?

Secondly, I realized I have a lot of interests, and I guess (?) hobbies, but if they're not hobbies they are at least interests. I am incredibly privileged to be able to be interested in: dance; filming videos; editing videos; music; making music including beats and melodies, and hopefully one day can/will write a song :D; photography; photoshop and digital art; prayer; Holy Scripture; reading the lives and writings of the saints; cooking is starting to be fun to me; social justice and learning/enacting on methods/means of improving our society; blogging; vlogging; podcasting or having a talk show or BEING A DJ?! for a radio station?! Don't know between music DJ-ing or talk radio-type hosting more?; also I like to learn about the Catholic faith and study how that relates to other religions; learning about everyday life skills (ie. helpful every day financial knowledge); I would like to learn more about website design and coding; and being in academia (this last one I say while I'm off school, so my mindset is obv different than it would be in the middle of writing an essay). So, I've concluded I want to become a renaissance woman of sorts, a la Childish Gambino, Bishop Robert Barron, Tinashe, Brian Puspos, Eddie Huang..  I can't think of many other women renaissance-type inspo's right now? Only like master-of-one type women. But when I do I'll add them to this list here :) If you are reading this it's too late please add a comment on who is a rennaissance woman or man who you think I would know and didn't include and/or who I should check out! A lot of my friends are also huge inspirations to me, as I see them do so many cool things and explore their talents/skills/abilities/interests and are all so intelligent and kind, all the while being my friend.
I think one day, I can then start to proliferate these interests into ones that stand the still-interesting-to-me test of time, and become a master of one, or two. Yeeknow? That's goals.
Before, I thought pursing these things were just hobbies and thus, a lil bit of a waste of time. But I realized today that at this age (early 20's), its good to actually involve yourself/myself in these activities, because then you/I are exploring God's creation, and your talents and interests. Then later, you can better decide which one to focus more on and put more effort into. This adds another element to consider regarding the old "don't put all your eggs in one basket" saying. Not that I have a full out argument in support of or against the saying, but it's something to consider: that at some point in your life you need to choose one direction to go in, no? Is having back up plans and different things going on for you smart? or does it distract? ah, the maybe just-as-old contradicting argument to that saying.
I realized also that I talk a lot about inspirations on this blog lol. Maybe that says something about me. I'll take note.

Uhm, I forgot what else I wanted to say.

Right now its May 2017, and its one of the most prime times of the year where you just have this sense of vast opportunity awaiting you for the summer, where you'll have more free time, and more sunny days to give you no excuse of sitting around! Being in my early 20's, I also feel like that same opportunistic feeling pervades in my outlook on life right now too. I have my whole life ahead of me, as they say. I also should enjoy and utilize one moment at a time, as it is given to us, and may be in God's will. I want to do this and that and see where it could me and where I could go. I guess I'm also conflicted because my life, my time and treasures and talents are all a gift from God. "Knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold," (1 Peter 1:18), I want to not only dedicate all these pursuits for our Lord God, but seek His will in my life, and do everything to proclaim and spread His glory, which how to do that, I'm still figuring out. 

Thanks for joining me in my cognitive exploration of my thoughts today. 🙏


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gream said...

I love this pic!

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